soundczechfic

I'm too tired to write a decent entry. Maybe some other time.

Came into my head when I was on the train:

//In this moment, my world is just this carriage, long steel tube. Flourescent lighting. Green blue seats and the guy with the beard. The floor scattered with papers and wrappers. Nomadic world, but we carry our own debris.

The street lights that clash periodically against the black windows are satellites, planets, stars, galaxies far away. The world is just me and the guy with the beard. Just me and the automated voice telling me where I'm supposed to be going.

The world is in motion, but I've never been more bored.//

It is 11:15pm. It is 31°c. Like some kind of elaborate joke, the weather keeps going up and down up and down and we keep hoping that it has decided to settle at a nice 21°c for a few days and then BAM HAHAHAHA FRY, MOTHERFUCKERS.

The weather is making me a little bit deranged.

I started making this post before realising that I don't really have anything to talk about beyond bitching about the weather. I haven't really been doing much. I've been really dumb lately. Sam keeps saying things to me and I just totally do not understand what she means. She gets so disgusted each and every time. This must be what it is like to be Jin.

I've just started working full time, as opposed to the three days a week I've been working up until now. On the one hand it's really good, but on the other I never realised how totally I do not comprehend normal human life. WHY DO WE SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT WORK, IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. I realise that makes me sound like a princess, but I'm just really confused about when I'm supposed to like, do things. We go to work before most businesses open and leave after they close... every day... When am I supposed to go to the goddamn Post Office. These are the big questions, people.

The other day Melissa and I had this long frustrated conversation about how ridiculous working life is and how we don't really need money that much and how we'd be fine without it. We were sitting at McDonalds. Then this homeless guy came in and bought a cheeseburger with the spare change he'd collected in his hat and I felt like a total asshole. Plus we got up and left a few minutes after he got there and he was like, "I'm not gonna bite" all slurred and practically incomprehensible. BUT WE WEREN'T LEAVING BECAUSE OF HIM, WE'D JUST FINISHED OUR ICECREAM, ALL RIGHT? Plus he smelled bad.

I can never think of an unawkward, casual way to begin LJ entries. I guess this is not surprising as I can never think of an unawkward, casual way to begin conversations in RL, either. I am not smooth. It's getting worse the longer I am away from uni, too. I've forgotten how to function as a social entity.

Sam came back from Bendigo for a couple of days so we could go to Phantom of the Opera. We went on Thursday. SO EXCITING OH MY GOD. The Phantom was incredible, he had the most beautiful voice. The next day Sam and I were walking around talking about how we want him to follow us around every day narrating our lives. We were walking down the ramp at the train station singing about buying tickets in low voices. Now my life seems empty without it. THE PHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTOM OF THE OPERA IS HERE........... WHILE YOU BUY YOUR TICKET...

Then yesterday we saw Hairspray so the visit so far has been a musical spectacular. I already want to watch Hairspray again. I'm so glad that musical movies are back in fashion, I love them. When I was a little kid I watched Showboat like a hundred times. I was obsessed with that song... Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, I gotta love one man 'til I die. Can't help lovin' that man of mine... Now Sam and I keep talking about finding musicals to see, us doing a tour of amateur high school productions.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, ALL THE AUSTRALIANS ALREADY KNOW, BUT EVERYONE ELSE SHOULD TOTALLY WATCH SUMMER HEIGHTS HIGH. Sam keeps bursting into bits of song from the show at inappropriate, public times. "She's a slut and she knows it~ Wants to root all the boys!!!" It restores my faith in the Australian television industry. Well, not really but :( It restores my faith that brilliance can come from such adversity.

Today we are seeing Superbad. We have to meet Melissa in a little under two hours, so I should probably like. Shower. Or something.

I am too lazy to write this again in journal form:

fitz: ASGDS:LFKGDH: GOD
okay i was going to save this story for an lj entry but i don't foresee me making one in the near future so i should tell you now before i forget
sam: okay
fitz: yesterday after i went to centrelink i stopped at the newmarket shops to get a drink. outside the newsagents this like, middle aged guy who was african or west indian or something stopped me and asked me where the nearest Westpac bank was.
"I don't know," I said. "I'm not from around here."
then he went into newsagent to ask and the newsagents didn't know, and i bought a drink and when i came out it seemed like he was waiting for me
"You're not from around here?" he said. "Where are you from???"
"North Melbourne," I said. "A couple of suburbs away."
"Ahh! Is there a Westpac there???"
"Maybe... maybe on Errol St, I don't know, sorry..."
"Where do you live in North Melbourne?"
"Pardon?"
"Near the high rises?"
"No... in the industrial section..."
"My family are all living in North Melbourne," he said. "But I'm staying around here."
"That's nice," I said politely. I was trying to leave. Why am I polite to people.
"What are you doing now?" he asked.
"Meeting a friend for coffee," i said.
"Oh, here?"
at this point i had like, started walking out of the shopping centre
and he was following me
"No," I said. "In the city."
"Ohhh," he said. "Do you want me to take you??"
"What?"
"I can take you," he said. "In my car."
me: :|:|:|:|:|
"No thank you," I said. "I'd better go."
and then i like, walked away and refused to look back in case he was still following me
sam: . . .
fitz: WHY DO THESE PEOPLE ALWAYS CHOOSE ME
sam: um.
i just.
what.
what.
what.
fitz: I KNOW
I KNOW
sam: update about this.
fitz: dying. in retrospect there's not a lot to say about it, really, except that he's creepy and every time i leave the house i am approached by total weirdos

The other day I was on the way home from a party and a wasted forty year old woman offered me E. I was on the tram and accidentally met her eyes so she came and sat across from me. She had short hair and gold jewellery and gross crayola coloured make up. She told me drunkenly that she was going to The Peel, this ~classy~ gay bar in Collingwood or something. "I have..." she said, and started scrabbling through her bag. "Oh my god I can't find it." Here she looked up at me and murmured, as if revealing a deeply intimate secret, "E."

"Oh no," I replied awkwardly.

"NO NO NO I REMEMBER WHERE IT IS," she said suddenly, and took this blue pill that looked more like Demazin than E out of the coin purse in her wallet. "Do you want some?" she asked.

"No thank you," I said.

She seemed really confused by my polite refusal. "Are you sure?" she kept asking over and over.

Finally I just said, "I can't, I've been drinking."

"Oh," she said. "SO HAVE I I'VE BEEN ON THE PISS ALL NIGHT."

"It's cool," I said. "I'm tired."

"Oh," she said. Then we both went quiet and she stared at me while I fiddled with my earring. "Sorry," she said after long, awkward moments, and got up and sat across the aisle. THAT LAST APOLOGY WAS WHAT MADE THE ENCOUNTER SERIOUSLY AWKWARD INSTEAD OF JUST A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE A DRUNKEN MORON AT LEAST BE DRUNK ENOUGH THAT YOU DON'T KNOW YOU'VE JUST HUMILIATED YOURSELF.

Then the second I got off the tram this guy grabbed my shoulders and yelled, "YOU'RE GORGEOUS SWEETHEART WHERE ARE YOU GOING??" and then walked off immediately.

These things happen to me all the time, seriously. And I wonder why the world terrifies me. I am sure I have recounted this story in my lj before but I just told it for Sam so I will leave it here as it is inkeeping with my theme:

sam: what's that story
that time when
the homeless woman said she wish you'd get cancer or something
fitz: bawling
i met her one afternoon while i was studying in the food court
and she told me she desperately needed money to get a ticket to geelong or something to go to the hospital
and she was near tears
so i gave her all my money which was like, seven dollars
and she gave me some dishwashing detergent.
and then i was there again the next week
and she came up to me again
and asked to borrow money again
and i was like, "sorry, no. i gave you money last week."
and she was like, "i need money, i have cancer." she started getting really upset and her hands were shaking. "i hope one day you have cancer so you know what it is like."
sam: FUCK JKLFLADS;KJLDFASLKJFSDKJLDSF
STILL HILARIOUS
fitz: and then angrily walked away.
sam: LKSJDALJKADSFJLSDFJASKLDFSDAJKLSADFASDF
fitz: and then because i was there all the time
i would see her there constantly.
sam: sobbing
fitz: i still do sometimes.

I just. I try to be polite to everyone I really do and yet no-one normal ever speaks to me, it is always weird guys who want me to get in their cars or skeletal old women who want me to have cancer. One day someone normal will approach me and I'll be rude to them thinking they're going to try and abduct me, and then the ghost of christmas past will reveal to me that that person was supposed to be my soul mate.