Please don't feel bad! I wasn't actually uncomfortable, I was just making sure. :-) Because of that brilliant way internet psychology works where you end up going 'OMG IS IT ME' and I figured I'd avoid drama in my head. :-)
And admittedly, I even get that with a lot of Kame hate floating around, someone saying 'I think he's fake a lot' without context can be read the wrong way. So anyway, I don't think he's totally genuine all the time, though I think there's a huuuuuge difference time-wise; I think these days he's being an idol and being professional on the outside, which is not a bad thing. But he has a phase, when you look at 2007 footage or roundabouts, where I would call him 'fake' in a lot of contexts. He strikes (struck) me as someone with a very strong need for external validation, and when he has a stressbunny phase, it comes out in more frantic audience-pleasing, IMO.
Which, honestly, if you already like him, is just a psychological gold mine and endlessly fascinating. (Though I find it very very soothing to see him on shows these days when he just seems so much more self-confident and assertive. Go Kame!) But when you're not already invested... That's why the otters made the fandom for me. I was actually almost out the door already; I'd watched some stuff and read some fic (there is a whole longer version of this where I totally blame Soft Skin Boys for pulling me in), but I wasn't sure yet if this was really my thing. I had watched a lot of footage in a row where he was just so high-strung and people-pleasing and OH LOOK AT ME LOOK HOW MUCH FUN I'M HAVING HA HA HA, and I just found it exhausting. I never thought he was a cold manipulative bitch underneath; I figured he must be pretty sad underneath. But I was kind of '...do I really want more of this?'
And then Kame bit off the food for the otters, after the otters had already nibbled on it, and my heart went THUMP and suddenly I WAS INVESTED. Because that was the single most spontaneous thing I'd ever seen him do thus far, and it was adorable and really nice. And you can actually still see the other stuff in the clip -- I don't think Kame is comfortable with that woman, he's essentially pouncing on the otters given half a chance, but he also doesn't manage to say no to stuff he'd clearly rather not be doing (not that I would expect him to be rude! but he's so... not confident about it and pushover-y).
So the otters were my first clear moment of really honest, spontaneous Kame. And it also put the 'fake stuff' into a different perspective for me, in a way that now made it interesting rather than exhausting. To make the Akame comparison, I think Jin is very uncomplicated to love; Kame is pricklier, but also more fascinating to poke at and try to make sense of, and complexity is good. (And when you start fretting over a guy's TV ratings, you know he's doing something to you.)
And like you said, I don't think you get cold hard manipulative bitch Kame when you look underneath, or even superidol Kame. Awkward weirdo dork is more like it, with a dose of angst and validation issues depending on taste and time period.
Sorry this turned into the Reader's Digest version of How I Got Into Sparkly Fandom, by Julia, Nearly 30
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Date: 2010-02-23 07:52 am (UTC)This is, like, the fandom motto. Aren't we all!
Please don't feel bad! I wasn't actually uncomfortable, I was just making sure. :-) Because of that brilliant way internet psychology works where you end up going 'OMG IS IT ME' and I figured I'd avoid drama in my head. :-)
And admittedly, I even get that with a lot of Kame hate floating around, someone saying 'I think he's fake a lot' without context can be read the wrong way. So anyway, I don't think he's totally genuine all the time, though I think there's a huuuuuge difference time-wise; I think these days he's being an idol and being professional on the outside, which is not a bad thing. But he has a phase, when you look at 2007 footage or roundabouts, where I would call him 'fake' in a lot of contexts. He strikes (struck) me as someone with a very strong need for external validation, and when he has a stressbunny phase, it comes out in more frantic audience-pleasing, IMO.
Which, honestly, if you already like him, is just a psychological gold mine and endlessly fascinating. (Though I find it very very soothing to see him on shows these days when he just seems so much more self-confident and assertive. Go Kame!) But when you're not already invested... That's why the otters made the fandom for me. I was actually almost out the door already; I'd watched some stuff and read some fic (there is a whole longer version of this where I totally blame Soft Skin Boys for pulling me in), but I wasn't sure yet if this was really my thing. I had watched a lot of footage in a row where he was just so high-strung and people-pleasing and OH LOOK AT ME LOOK HOW MUCH FUN I'M HAVING HA HA HA, and I just found it exhausting. I never thought he was a cold manipulative bitch underneath; I figured he must be pretty sad underneath. But I was kind of '...do I really want more of this?'
And then Kame bit off the food for the otters, after the otters had already nibbled on it, and my heart went THUMP and suddenly I WAS INVESTED. Because that was the single most spontaneous thing I'd ever seen him do thus far, and it was adorable and really nice. And you can actually still see the other stuff in the clip -- I don't think Kame is comfortable with that woman, he's essentially pouncing on the otters given half a chance, but he also doesn't manage to say no to stuff he'd clearly rather not be doing (not that I would expect him to be rude! but he's so... not confident about it and pushover-y).
So the otters were my first clear moment of really honest, spontaneous Kame. And it also put the 'fake stuff' into a different perspective for me, in a way that now made it interesting rather than exhausting. To make the Akame comparison, I think Jin is very uncomplicated to love; Kame is pricklier, but also more fascinating to poke at and try to make sense of, and complexity is good. (And when you start fretting over a guy's TV ratings, you know he's doing something to you.)
And like you said, I don't think you get cold hard manipulative bitch Kame when you look underneath, or even superidol Kame. Awkward weirdo dork is more like it, with a dose of angst and validation issues depending on taste and time period.
Sorry this turned into the Reader's Digest version of How I Got Into Sparkly Fandom, by Julia, Nearly 30